Hellsing: Christmas Special
by Tina senpai
Summary: The Hellsing Christmas special! Everyone gathers around for that time of year and there are a few suprises in store: An engagement, a pregnancy and about three kisses under the mistletoe! Lots of pairings XD T due to Jan's eventual foul mouth
1. Peace and all that Jazz

~Chapter 1: Peace and all that jazz~

"Deck ze halls with lots of holly!" Schrodinger swung on the heels of his feet and quickly turned to Yumiko.

"FA LA LA LA LA LA LA LA LA!" The two of them sung happily, Yumiko petting Schrodinger on the head and squealing what a cute catboy he was.

"I don't see why we couldn't have had christmas at mine this year." Integra choose to ignore the moment, feeling rather unpleasant at the amount of cuteness going on around her.

"Ve ALWAYS go to yours! Let me play hostess for-Urm..host...I meant host for once." Major said with his flirtatious smile, patting Integra on her back and wiggling his eyebrows up and down at her.

Luckily, she'd left her gun in her coat and opted to merely walk away from him (which the rather plump man took as encouragement and gaily skipped after her).

In the main building of the millenium headquarters, everyone was happily gathered.

Pip and Seras were snuggled up on a chair, finishing up on some christmas cards. Father Anderson, Heinkel, Hans and Rip Van were quite happily working on the christmas tree, whilst Luke attempted to disentangle the lights and ended up quite entangled within them himself.

Integra, Major and Alucard had chosen to play a game of chess, but five minutes in, Integra gave up for a cigar and Major quickly followed her, like a little puppy, leaving Alucard to oogle a certain big chested beauty (and not Seras this time). Zurin, Jan and Maxwell were allowing Walter and Doc some time off and took charge in making the beverages (Maxwell sticking to his speciality of spinach puffs), whilst Jan and Zurin were baking cookies (Jan finding it hard to keep his hands off Zurin now that they were in a loving relationship).

Walter, Doc, Yumiko and Schrodinger had put themself in charge of hanging up the rest of the decorations, with Walter and Doc looking on glumly as Schrodinger and Yumiko chased each other and sang christmas songs and music melodies.

"Hark now hear, the angels sing, a king was born tooodaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay!" Yumiko swirled about the place, happily pinning and bluetacking little posters of 'Merry Christmas!' (which Schrodinger had hand coloured) to the walls.

"And man will live, forever more, because of christmas daaaaaaaaay!" Schrodinger followed and quickly grabbed tinsel, draping it over various pieces of furniture (and of course over the top of peoples heads just for laughs.

"Ok....I've had enough!" Zurin called out and slammed her hands down on the counter of the kitchen, overlooking everyone else, "You two! STOP SINGING! Some of us have headaches!" She didn't really yell, just gave 'the glare' towards Yumiko and Schrodinger.

Schrodinger immediately squeaked and buried his head into Yumiko's bosom (who was equally afraid) and recieved a growl of complaint from Alucard.

"Urch...I'll be right back," Zurin threw off her 'man apron' and walked away from her kneading of dough, "I got myself so worked up I don't feel well." She stomped off towards the direction of the toilet, everyone noting her foul mood.

"She scares me vhen she's like that." Schrodinger cuddled into Yumiko's bosom deeper, purring as she petted his head right between his ears.

"You and me both. I think I'll take a nap," Yumiko said and used her free hand to remove her glasses, "Good night Yumiko! What the-...I seem to have a catboy in my chest." Yumie chuckled and patted Schrodingers head, knowing it was ok for him (she just liked making Alucard jealous aswell).

"ARCH! SOMEBODY...ANYBODY...Hilf." Luke caught everyones attention and they all turned to see what his complaints were about.

Not one person could stop themself from laughing at the sight of Luke Valentine, standing in the middle of a box and covered in an assortment of wires.

"You...you...you look like a christmas tree! Ahahahahahahahahaha!" Heinkel clutched at her stomach and fell on her knees, not able to look at Luke whilst he was dressed the way he was.

"Oh...Goodness," Rip wiped away a tear and took a deep breath before turning to Hans, "Oh Hans, go help him out. I don't think I can laugh anymore, it hurts too much."

Hans merely nodded and strolled towards Luke, 'helping' him out of the wires (actually, more like pulling out a large machete and attempting to hack at a now flailing and wiggling Luke Valentine).


	2. A feast fit for a king

~Chapter 2: A feast fit for a king~

After a bit of a struggle (mostly with Luke fighting off a machete wielding Hans') and many a scare (Zurin all of a sudden ranting about the lack of toilet air freshener and then dashing off to be sick again) dinner, was finally ready.

Yumie (who was hellbent on making Alucard a little grumpy this evening) had allowed Schrodinger to sit right inbetween them, happily helping him mount his plate up with chocolate. Alucard was in fact a little peeved, but couldn't help but smile just a little, watching Yumie dot on Schrodinger like her own child (or cat).

Heinkel was getting slightly tipsy, already squeezing Hans' AND Lukes' knees under the table (well, she thought it was Luke, but it was actually Rip, who kept slapping her hand away and blushing).

Pip, Seras, Jan and Zurin were currently talking about various places they could try out for double dating (with Zurin occasionally stopping because she had a headache).

Maxwell, Doc and Walter were having some sort of intellectual conversation of anatomy and females (which Jan just kept pointing out and saying 'gaaaaaaaay!').

Integra, Major and Father Anderson just dug in whole heartedly, sampling one of everything they had on their individual plates.

"Urgsch...I can't stand it. Sorry, I'll be right back!" Zurin just rolled her eyes again at her own problems with digestion and prepared to get up again.

"Zurin, if it's such a burden, why did you come? If you're ill you should be in be-" Maxwell was interrupted as she turned to him and just stared at him.

"I am NOT ill. And YOU should mind your own business! And you want to know what else Enrico?!"

Everyone (including Maxwell stared at her as she stood up straight with a psychotic look in her eye and everyone prepared themselves for the worst.

"I NEVER liked your spinach puffs!" Zurin declared confidently and turned her back on everyone, who were either staring shocked or had their mouths wide open.

Maxwell was too busy doing both.

"NEVER!" She quickly turned before continuing to the bathroom again.

Everyone waited till she inside the room, wretching to her hearts content, before turning to Maxwell and observing him.

He let out a small whimper before standing up, hand covering his mouth and turning on his heel to flee to the kitchen.

Everyone just sat in silence, before eventually Doc and Father Anderson both stood up.

"I got this one." Father Anderson marched towards where Maxwell had run off to.

"Und I got mine." Doc quipped, pointing towards where the sounds of vomiting could still clearly be heard.

In the bathroom...

"Zurin, it's Doc, I'm coming in," Doc said against the wooden door, being careful as he opened it not to startle her, "i'm just worried about you...so don't throw anything at me like you usually do."

Doc quickly walked in and closed the door behind him, knowing Zurin wouldn't want anyone else seeing her in such a state.

She was kneeling on the floor, her arm resting on the toilet and her head on her arm, her eyes closed as if she was ready to sleep.

"Ursch...if I had the energy I'd throw the toilet itself at you." Zurin quipped, pulling herself up a little more to regain some dignity.

Doc just smiled, knowing she wasn't so sick that she couldn't make her usual jokes and jibes. He walked over to her and sat on the edge of the bathtub opposite her, observing her pale complexion and sweat running down her forehead.

"I'm somehow beginning to think this was more than just vhat you ate today." He arched a brow at her as she seemed to lol her head back and forth, trying to shake herself awake.

"Yeah...this is the first day it's been quite bad."

"First day?" Doc hadn't missed that and clasped his hands together in interest.

"Yes...I keep getting bad sickness everyday...it's been a couple of weeks since it began. My moods not helping either."

"Right," Doc leaned forward a little, absorbing all this with great interest, "So vomiting and sickness...anything else you noticed? Anything new or strange?"

Zurin thought for a second and then chuckled.

"Well, apart from my period not coming, my boobs are bigger and seem like rocks. I think Jan may have gotten carried away in the bedroom and done something. It's usually his fault, poor sex deprived thing."

Doc shuddered slightly before regaining control.

"Right...Vomiting, mood swings, changes in bo-...Oh...Zurin," he looked at her with great adoration and smiled, "would you let me examine you?"

In the kitchen...

"She...she....she doesn't like my spinach puffs!" Maxwell called and sunk his head into the chopping board, Father Anderson patting his back and drying his tears with a kitchen towel (which would have been a nice gesture, were it not for the fact that said towel had been used to previously clean the chopping board that was used to cut Onions on).


	3. Kisses under the mistletoe

~Chapter 3: Kisses under the mistletoe~

Eventually, everything had returned to it's normal chaos. Maxwell had come out of the kitchen and Zurin had come out of the bathroom, everyone noticing how she seemed alot more colourful and at peace. She even apologised to Maxwell (which shocked Integra who ordered Doc to have her sectioned).

"Oh...my...goodness," Yumie turned towards where Integra was standing talking to Maxwell, "look."

Everyone followed the direction of her pointed figure and her big smile, going in a straight line above Integra's head and towards the ceiling.

Integra nearly dropped her cigar when she noticed the mistletoe hanging almost directly in the middle of their heads.

"You know what you have to do Integra." Luke chuckled whilst snuggling up close inbetween Rip Van and Heinkel, Hans having temporarily gone to the bathroom.

Integra gazed back down at Maxwell, who didn't seem disagreeable to the idea.

'Oh...what the hell, it's christmas.' The little wild spitfire in her mind told her and she took the cigar out of her mouth and placed it on the ashtray next to her on the little table.

Maxwell leaned forward, lips puckered and ready but he was stopped by Integra's finger against his.

"No tongues now Maxwell."

"Madam," he acted shocked for show, "I wouldn't dream-MMMMPP!" The rest of his words were muffled as she quickly smashed their mouths together, shocking him with her 'no nonsense and no fear attitude.

Less than ten seconds later (and to a rousing applause by a happy audience), Integra pulled back and re-adjusted her tie, trying her hardest to disguise her blush, whilst Maxwell gasped for air.

"Urch...I...Give me that!" Integra walked over to where Walter stood with a glass of alcohol, grabbing it off him and downing it in one. It wasn't that she had not enjoyed the kiss, it was just that she didn't want to admit that it felt so damn good.

Everyone watched as she marched towards the doorway and bumped into Hans on the way.

"Oh, you aswell? Oh well!" Integra threw her arms in the air and Hans looked confused. He looked even more confused and then shocked as she grabbed him by the collar of his shirt and pulled him forward into a sizzling kiss.

There were chuckles (Alucard and Walter), gasps (Rip and Heinkel) and a loud noise like something cracking (Maxwell's neck) as everyone watched the kiss heat up. Finally, Integra pulled back and turned towards everyone, obviously having the alcohol go straight to her head.

"Anyone else? No? Good, I'm off to go stick my head in the sink for abit." She confidentally strode past Hans, who was still looking with a 'what just happened?!' look on his face.

"Oooook," Yumie managed to break the silence and sat up from her seated position, turning towards Schrodinger, "I'm going to the kitchen honey, do you want anything?"

"Oh, can I have a glass of milk and a cookie...bitte?" Schrodinger gave her his wide-eyed look and she restrained herself from burying his head into her bosom and cuddling him to oblivion.

"Of course. Anyone else?"

Yumie walked happily away, noting to bring a bowl of crispies, a pack of ginger nuts and Schrodingers' milk and cookie.

In the kitchen...

"Crispies...ginger nuts...milk and biccie...good, good!" Yumie sing songed, a pack of crispies inbetween two fingers whilst she held a bag of ginger nut biscuits in the same one, the milk and a cookie balanced on it in the other.

She turned around and gave a yelp as her face and body bumped into something red.

She was thankful for the quick catch of the crisps and another firm hold on the milk in her hand, but then looked up to who it was.

"Thought I'd come and give you a hand." Alucard smiled down at her and squeezed the fingers beneath his around the glass, tenderly.

"Th-Thank you very much." She knew she was blushing and for a while just stood there. As he bent lower she couldn't help but gulp audibly as his face diverted to the side and went straight for what she thought was her neck.

"You know little nun," he whispered into her ear, "there's more mistletoe in here."

He pulled back and watched her as she gazed up and around at the ceiling.

"I...I don't see any."

Alucard chuckled slightly, before adjusting his grip and taking the glass from her. He placed it carefully on the counter and reached inside his pocket.

"Right here."

Before she could even utter a yelp, he pulled her forward and kissed her with undeniable passion and warmth. Instantly, she wrapped her arms around his neck, enjoying the familiar feel of his lips (reminding herself it had been a while since he'd last kissed her).

He pulled back and continued pecking her with small delicate kisses against her cheek and jawline, leading all the way to the sensitive spot he knew she had on her neck.

"Oh...we...need to give the snacks out!" Yumie whined and clung onto him fiercely as he suckled on the little pulsepoint of her neck, the spot that made her go all funny and keen for him.

Reluctantly he pulled back, grabbing the biscuits and crisps.

"Humans and their necessities for food," He smirked and leaned towards her once more to plant a kiss on her nose, "we shall continue this later."

They walked back in, everyone noting the slight blush on Yumie (and Schrodinger wondering why Alucard was now sitting right next to him and putting his arm around him to play with Yumie's hair whilst the catboy cuddled into her).


	4. Christmas yet to come

~Chapter 4: Christmas yet to come~

It was almost time for the giving of presents and everyone had been gathered together in the large hall, the fireplace burning (major having taken down the large swaztika flag that had been hanging up) and the tree looking very magnificient indeed.

"Ok, everyone! Presents vill be up soon-...Uh...yes...Zurin?" Major noticed Zurin standing up in the midst of everyone, trying to get his attention.

"Urm...I kind of have an announcement." Zurin stepped forward and made sure Jan stood up aswell.

"First...I vant to apologise for snapping at everyone. These past two veeks I've not been well and I've just been ignoring it, hoping it vould go away. But now...I know vhat it is...I don't vant it to go away. Doc?"

Doc stood up happily and stood up.

"After some observations and tests, I would like to announce, that Zurin is...Primigravida."

Everyone just looked at him slightly dumbfounded and others with blank expressions. Zurin merely huffed and puffed and jumped about.

"I'm pregnant!"

"....AHHHHHHHH!" A unison of girls led by Rip, Yumie and Seras squealed loudly, jumping up and all swarming around Zurin, whilst the others were either to gobsmacked to move or were smiling like idiots.

"Congrats bro', you're going to be a daddy!" Luke slung his arm around Jan, who was still sitting with a large dumbfounded smile on his face, staring at Zurin like she was a goddess.

"...Holy shit! I mean....F*****g hell!" Jan leapt up and went to go towards his lover, only being slapped by Yumie as he went.

"No more swearing! I never liked it, it's not good around Schrodinger and you're going to be a father now, so buckle up!"

"Oh, Jesus you stupid peng-OWWW!" Jan turned to where Zurin was pulling him towards her by the hair.

"Usually, I vould disagree vith my bitch being touched by someone other than me, but I have to agree 'penguin'. We're both going to have to tone down on our language for good practise, ok?"

After about five minutes of the girls squealing and hugging Zurin, whilst the men patted Jan on the shoulder and offered him their sturdy handshakes, Pip managed to grab everyone elses attention.

"Well, although that is beautiful, I TOO have an announcement. Seras." He signalled towards his sexy girlfriend, who obediently stood up, wondering what could be happening (she just knew Pip couldn't be pregnant either).

Seras turned back, gazing around in confusing when her eyeline didn't meet Pip's, before letting her head drop down and spotting him on the floor on one knee.

"Seras Victoria," he smiled sweetly at her, "would you do me ze honour of becoming my bride?"

Everyone gasped in surprise, just watching the scene. Seras herself was too shocked to even speak at the moment.

Then, she answered.

"YES! OH MY GOD, YES!" She squealed joyfully and jiggled up and down (which Pip made him fall for her all the more) as Pip slid the ring onto her finger. He stood up just in time to be engulfed in her hands and kissed senseless. The only thing that made them stop was the small squealing they could both hear and they remembered their audience. Turning to everyone, Seras proudly showed her ring off to Yumie and Rip, whilst Pip got his hand shook and heart slaps on the back (Alucard on the butt, only to scared him a little).


	5. Giving and recieving

~Chapter 5: Giving and recieving~

Eventually, everyone had settled down slightly after the first two initial surprises they'd recieved. Seras and Pip were still wildly snogging each others faces off and Zurin and Jan were cuddled up by the fire, Jan with covering Zurin's stomach protectively with one hand.

Eventually, everyone had been sorted out through their presents and were watching as they went around the circle, admiring what everyone had got.

Integra was more than pleased to show off the box of cigars she had gotten, Maxwell AND Major taking credit and earning small pecks on each others cheeks.

Other than the engagement, Pip had also bought Seras a new set of sexy red undies (which she quickly ran off to put on, Pip close behind her).

Walter had recieved a lovely hand painted teaset which Seras had given him and he promptly got to work in using it, showing just how happy he was.

After coming back in (with a blushing Seras in tow) Pip had unwrapped the small gift from his girlfriend and found a cute little wind up frog in the bottom, that hopped when placed on the ground.

"I know how much you like frogs!" Seras had squealed and hugged him from behind, everyone now realising what had gotten into her head when she had bought it for him.

Yumie had unwrapped her present, a big smile on her face at first, but pulled out a pair of lacy black undies and had to quickly throw them back in the box.

"Hehe, well Yumie, looks like you've got an admirer." Heinkel had chuckled but quickly silenced as Yumie beat her in the side with the carboard box.

"Urgsch, you stupid perverted priest! Stop stealing my undies and then buying me sexy ones, I'm fine with the plain white ones I have!" Yumie yelled, instantly believing Heinkel capable of the act. What she didn't think of was too like at a very still count, who was trying not to laugh his head off.

Next, Do had produced a large box from behind him and gave it to Schrodinger, who hurrily unwrapped it.

"Huh," Schrodinger gasped and reached inside, "Oh...my...KITTEN!"

Everyone couldn't hold back the 'awww' that escaped their lips at the sight of Schrodinger now cuddling a very surprised looking kitten. He quickly put it down on the floor and watched it go around the group, having to be picked back up by Schrodinger when it seemed to become very attached to Alucard.

Jan and Zurin were more than happy to go next, Jan actually refusing anything she would give him (until later) because he was more than happy at the thought of being a daddy. Zurin however immediately ripped the paper off the box he had gotten her and peeked inside.

"...I think...I'll save this for later to." Zurin closed the lid with a large grin on her face and cuddled back up to Jan.

Then, Mjor quite happily (and gaily) unwrapped his present to reveal a thick, leather bound book.

"Ooooh, American Psycho!" He read the inside and smiled brightly towards Doc who had gotten it for him, "I haven't read this one yet, thank you herr doctor!"

Doc was next and he practically squealed as excitedly as Major did (like a little girl) when he opened the present to reveal a new surgical bag.

"Oh my goodness! It's just like the one from Repo!" Doc happily placed it in his hand and tested out walking with it, hugging Rip and thanking Hans and Luke for their joint effort in getting him something.

"Oh Luke, open yours now!" Rip said excitedly, noting how the present was from her and Hans.

Luke opened it happily, his right eye twitching slightly as he stared at the contents of a small black bag.

"Hair kit?" He questioned and raised his brow, looking towards a smirking Hans.

"Ha, twas' Hans' idea," Rip piped in with an innocent smile, "and I liked it. I think you look wonderful with your hair up and out of the way of that pretty face of yours."

Luke smiled triumphantly and thanked her, noting Hans' new expression of 'drat' at having lost that round.

Rip was next and she was terribly happy with the three joint she got.

"Oh my goodness, it's a clock family!" She carefully pulled out a large alarm clock and two smaller ones, the last being the smallest as she lined them up carefully towards each other. Zurin and Hans had specifically thought that one up and gone out to get her them (especially after Zurin accidentally shot the other pink clock).

Hans was quickly passed by as he had shown everyone he had gotten a dog collar and the atmosphere became tense.

"Anderson!" Yumie turned and tried to break the tension from Hans' uncomfortable aura, "you go now!"

So, Anderson was more than happy when he recieved a large, rectangular box and opened it, everyone whispering how he reminded them of an excited ten year old.

"Huh, new bless bayonets!" Anderson turned to Heinkel who smiled smugly and nodded, "Oh ya' little priest, come here!"

"Don't you hug me!" Heinkel dove out of the way, rolling on the floor and grabbing her present as she came to a stop, "phew, close call. My turn?"

She unwrapped it happily, rolling about in delight as she held aloft the new dvd of 'Hans uncovered', thanking Alucard for the present (and his ability to become completely undetectable in the millenium showers with a video camera).

Enrico was next, not really caring at first about what he got (he seemed to still be in a grump about the spinach puff argument). It wasn't until he saw the contents did he jumo up and gasp.

"Oh...my...goodness!"

Integra had personally chosen his present, going on a secret photoshoot and having pictures taken of her in various costumes (her personal favourite being her dressed as a playboy priest) and doing various 'activities.

"What? What is it? Family photo?"Shrodinger looked up from playing with his kitten and smiled sweetly.

"...Excuse me for a moment." Maxwell evaded the question and all gazes, walking out of the room with the picture frame held firmly over his lap, obscuring what appeared to be a torch in his pocket.

"...Ok...Alucard, you're last." Anderson turned towards his foe and saw that Alucard had not only opened his small present, but was gazing at it with great interest.

"I believe, I must get the oppurtunity to try this out now." He pulled out a small red bottle and clutched it firmly in one hand. Everyone only watched as the box fell to the floor when he promptly stood up and grabbed Yumie by the wrist.

"Ieee! Gently!" Yumie could only giggle as she was slung over one shoulder and marched out of the room, towards one of the guestrooms.

Anderson leant forward to pick up the contents of the box, but Heinkel beat him to it, scooping up a small note on the inside and reading the lines.

Heinkel could only giggle and quickly scrunched up the note that read :

'To Alucard. 'Body blood'. Enjoy with your favourite nun. Love, Y x'

And so, all was done. Another christmas passed.

Schrodinger was curled up inbetween Integra and Rip, still clutching his kitten firmly.

Alucard and Yumie were still in the guestroom, very much enjoying his (and hers) christmas presents.

Zurin and Jan had fallen asleep on the sofa, Jan with his head still on Zurin' stomach were he'd been talking nonsense to the baby (being careful of his language).

Doc and Walter were cleaning up in the kitchen, recollecting the old days when they would run outside naked in the snow (which Walter insisted they still weren't too old for).

Pip and Seras WERE currently outside in the snow, very much naked and rolling around together doing despicable things (whilst Maxwell peeked of course).

Anderson was currently out called with Heinkel tucked under his arm, both holding small bottles of something called 'the devils drink'.

Major was curled up happily by the fire, already halfway through his book and kicking his leg out at a good part of the dream he was having.

And finally, Luke and Hans, who had both gotten incredibly drunk during a drinking match were cuddled up quite happily together, both of them thinking the either was Rip. Luke nuzzled into his chest playing with Hans' muscular arms (which he was very surprised that Rip had) whilst Hans' had his coat wrapped around Luke and had one hand massaged the back of Lukes' head (the other out of sight and fondling various places on Lukes' body).

Yet another christmas with the hellsingers.

And they all had an important message for you.

"Merry Christmas!"

"F**k Yeah!" Jan yelled, punching his fist into the air.


End file.
